One-night stands remind me of quinoa. Perfectly digestible, absolutely forgettable. I don’t crave them, I don’t think about them later, and if I’m honest, I probably couldn’t describe their taste if someone asked. Just a body passing through — the human version of a boring beige grain.
And for whatever reason (because it’s healthy?) we keep trying to dress quinoa up. Toss it in salads, call it superfood, pretend it tastes like something. Same with one-night stands — we joke about them, glamorise them, talk them up like an adventure. But left on their own, both are bland. Nothing to remember, nothing to dwell on.
The difference is, quinoa at least can be salvaged. In these balls (oh god, this is where I start regretting not calling them ‘bites’) quinoa drops its act. No wellness halo, no yoga retreat vibes. It’s just a vessel — a grain holding garlic, cheddar, sesame, and green onion together long enough to get fried into something golden and crisp, something actually worth craving. Quinoa finally becomes what it should have been all along: background, ballast, supporting act.
Unlike people, once you fry it, quinoa actually behaves. It doesn’t posture, it doesn’t claim to be life-changing — it just holds everything together and lets the good stuff shine. Quinoa does its job, stays in the background, and disappears when it should.
If only people were that considerate.
Ingredients
Quinoa balls
Cooked quinoa 250 g / 1 ½ cups (day-old best)
All-purpose flour 60 g / ½ cup (plus extra if needed)
Garlic 2 cloves
Egg 1 large
Mature cheddar 100 g / 3.5 oz
Green onion 2
Sesame seeds 2 tbsp
Salt and black pepper
Neutral oil (for frying, ~5 cm / 2 in depth)
Yogurt–tahini sauce
Greek yogurt 150 g / 2/3 cup
Tahini 15 g / 1 tbsp
Lemon juice 15 ml / 1 tbsp
Dill 1 tbsp
Salt
Equipment
Mixing bowls
Grater (for garlic + cheddar)
Knife + board (for onion + dill)
Heavy-bottomed pot or deep skillet
Thermometer (175–180°C target)
Slotted spoon or spider
Paper towels + rack/tray
Whisk
Method
Prep the aromatics. Grate the garlic. Grate the cheddar finely so it melts evenly. Slice the green onions into thin rings. Chop the dill for the sauce and set aside.
Build the base. In a large mixing bowl, combine the quinoa, flour, garlic, egg, cheddar, green onion, sesame seeds, and a good pinch of each salt and pepper. Stir well. The mixture should be moist but cohesive — it should press together when squeezed. If it feels too wet, add a spoonful of extra flour; if it feels dry or crumbly, a splash of water will bring it back.
Rest. Let the mixture sit for about 10 minutes. This gives the flour time to hydrate and the mixture to firm up, which makes shaping easier and keeps the balls from breaking apart in the oil.
Shape. With damp hands, scoop up walnut-sized portions and roll them into balls, pressing gently so they’re compact with no cracks. You should get about 18 balls. Line them up on a tray or plate. If you have time, refrigerate them for 10–15 minutes. The chilling helps them keep their shape during frying.
Heat the oil. Pour neutral oil into a heavy-bottomed pot or deep skillet to a depth of about 5 cm / 2 in. Heat it slowly to 175–180°C / 347–355°F. A thermometer is best, but if you don’t have one, drop in a breadcrumb or scrap of mix: it should sizzle steadily and rise to the surface within a few seconds without burning.
Fry. Working in small batches (3–5 balls at a time), lower the quinoa balls gently into the oil. Don’t crowd the pan — too many at once will drop the oil temperature. Fry for about 2–3 minutes, turning occasionally, until the balls are deep golden brown and crisp all over.
Drain. Use a slotted spoon or spider to lift the balls from the oil, letting the excess drip off. Transfer to a paper towel–lined tray or a rack. While still hot, sprinkle with a tiny pinch of salt — seasoning sticks best when they’re fresh from the fryer. Let the oil come back up to temperature before the next batch.
Make the sauce. While the balls drain (or while a batch is frying, if you can multitask), whisk together the Greek yogurt, tahini, lemon juice, dill, and a little salt. Taste and adjust — more lemon if you want sharper acidity, more tahini for nuttiness, more salt if it feels flat. The sauce should be smooth and thick enough to hold its shape on a plate. If it’s too dense, loosen with a teaspoon of water.
Serve. For maximum effect, spread a generous swoosh of sauce across the plate, stack the quinoa balls on top, and scatter extra dill or sesame seeds over everything. Eat while hot, when the shells are at their crispiest and the insides still soft.
Chef’s tips
Make-ahead & prep
Cook quinoa in advance; day-old or leftover quinoa is actually ideal because it’s drier and binds better.
Any freshly cooked quinoa must be cooled completely before mixing — warm quinoa makes the mixture mushy.
The mixture can be prepared up to 24 hours ahead and kept covered in the fridge.
Shaped balls can rest in the fridge for up to 8 hours; chilling firms them and keeps them from falling apart in the oil.
Freezing & reheating
Fry the balls, let them cool fully, then freeze in a single layer on a baking sheet before transferring to a container or freezer bag.
They’ll keep ~2 months.
To reheat, don’t thaw — bake straight from frozen at 190°C / 375°F for 8–12 minutes until hot and crisp.
Microwave works in a pinch (2–3 min), but they’ll soften; oven or air fryer gives the best crunch back.
Ingredient swaps
Gluten-free: Swap all-purpose flour for chickpea flour or a GF flour blend. It binds well and adds nutty flavor.
Vegan: Replace the egg with flax seed mixture: (2 tbsp ground flax + 5 tbsp water, let thicken 10 min). For the cheese, use plant-based cheddar imitation or 2–3 tbsp nutritional yeast for savoury depth. The texture will be more delicate though — chilling before frying becomes non-negotiable.
Cheese: Aged cheddar is ideal for sharpness. Feta, parmesan, or even a forgotten fridge-orphan cheese all work; adjust salt accordingly.
Frying technique
Maintain oil between 175–180°C / 347–355°F.
If oil is too hot → the outside burns before the inside warms.
Too cool → the balls absorb oil and turn greasy.
A thermometer is best, but if you don’t have one: drop a breadcrumb in. It should bubble steadily and brown in ~1 minute.
Fry in small batches (3–5 at a time). Overcrowding drops the temperature and leads to soggy balls.
Let the oil recover between batches — patience makes crispier results.
Salt while hot so seasoning sticks.
Serving & plating
These work as an appetizer (3–4 per person) or as a vegetarian main with salad or roasted vegetables.
Sauce pairings beyond the yogurt–tahini: harissa for spice, chili crisp for crunch, or even a squeeze of hot honey for contrast.
Restaurant trick: a little scatter of something green (herbs, microgreens) makes it look intentional.
Drinks: mint tea if you’re pretending to be wholesome, chilled white wine if you’re not.
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